Day 5 - What the Fuck

So last night I didn't make it to Katie's house. I was far too tired. Then on my way home from work I threw up all over myself. Completely disgusting. It was so gross, oh my gosh..
I couldn't reach Syd last night. I ended up crying to Linny all night until I fell asleep. Where is Syd? I still haven't been able to reach her.. I'm so mentally unstable.. I hope I start feeling better soon.. This is getting crazy.. I love you Syd.. I hope you can call me soon.

Day 4 - Good Morning - 9:40AM

I practically died yesterday.
50mg of Vyvanse was given to me but it did not affect me much at all.
Not that I am ungrateful. Every time I only take 50mg, my body will realize that is the tolerance it should get.
Anyways, Syd came over and rubbed my tummy and said cute shit to me while I shook from how cold I was. I did have a fever, I feel like it really was the flu but who knows. I won't have to call in sick to work like I was worried about last night also. Today = Payday too.
ugh I'm still yawning but ohwell... Maybe it's okay to get high on caffeine when you work at Dunkin Donuts :P

Day 3 - Break the Rules? Please? (11:12 am)

I'm suffering from an upset stomach now.
I highly doubt this is due to my current lack of vyvanse.. but it isn't helping.
I feel so sick and it seems like I have low blood sugar.
I've noticed I have about a 3 hour window of awakeness before I have to sleep.
I WILL DIE AT WORK TOMORROW.
Oh God, I pray that I can get a pill from Syd.
It feels like I'm tormenting myself whenever I'm awake.
I have to go to sleep now, I cannot stay awake any longer.
7-11 is the most I can do..
Please let me break the rules.. I just want to go back to how I was.. at least I could do things before. Now I just fall asleep and hate my existence.

This song I herd on my iPod on the car ride home gave me some comfort though.
It's a demo from Nightwish's single "Amaranth". Before they had their (now ex) singer, Marco sings this.
Here's the lyrics.

Baptized with a perfect nameThe doubting one by heartAlone without himself
War between him and the dayNeed someone to blameIn the end, little he can do aloneYou believe but what you seeYou receive but what you give
Reach for the hand held heart through lifeFor the dancer to arriveReach and catch me before I fall
Apart from the wandering packIn this brief flight of timeWe reach for the ones whoever dareYou believe but what you seeYou receive but what you give
Reach for the hand held heart through lifeFor the dancer to arriveReach and catch me before I fallReach for a friend whoever caresFor someone whoever dares
Reach to catch me when I fall
Reaching for the doubting one by heartHearing voices callingCatch the one who's falling
Reach for the hand held heart through lifeFor the dancer to arriveReach and catch me before I fallReach for a friend whoever caresFor someone whoever daresReach to catch me when I fall



Reach for a friend whoever cares


     For someone whoever dares

          Reach to catch me when I fall

                    Because I will fall. Because I am falling. Because I'm crashing hard. <3

Day 3 - Perks?

Just a really quick post; I actually woke up to the alarm on my phone today. I'm amazed. Have I finally caught up to all the sleep I was missing? I'm still yawning as I type this but who knows..
I slept terribly last night.
Continuous tossing AND turning.
I cannot sleep with the Tv on like I used to.
Oh well. Have a nice day everyone <3

Day 2 - pissed.

Fuck life. I'm fucking so angry. I don't have the strength to do anything. I want to go out but I'm so fucking tired. I want to see my friends but sleep. I feel sick and shit. I'm constantly hungry and eating and hungry and I eat. Nonstop today. I hate life right now. I can't accomplish anything. I'm a looser and I won't succeed at anything because I am so tired. Fuck life. I just want to disappear.

Day 2 - 2pm

Woke up at 1..
I'm starting to get nightmares, maybe from too much sleep?
But it's happened twice in a row now.
I know a few people I could get some adderal from.. It's probably not a good idea though.. Ugh I'm still exhausted! D:

Day 2 - Damn Sleepy

Damn I'm sleepy.
I went to bed after writing my last post so maybe 5-6pm?
My sister woke me up today so I drove her to school. 7:30am.
That's over 12 hours of sleep.
I'm still exhausted.
I'm going back to bed for sure.
School today is at 6pm.
I will probably wake up in time for that.
No, I'll probably wake up around 12 or so and then I will try to finish my english paper.
I have no time to do it right now, WAY TOOOO SLEEPPPYYY
Goodnight everyone <3